Read My Column! I'm So Sensitive!

One of the things that disgusts me with newspaper writing today is how the writer, instead of doing some investigative work or making insightful commentary, will want to show you how sensitive and PC he is.

There is a perfect example of this in today's Washington Post in Steven Hunter's review of The Descent. It is a horror movie about a bunch of thrill-seeking women that go spelunking and get more thrills than they bargined for.

Here is an excerpt from the column. The italics are mine, to emphasize the point I want to make.

"So the movie right away removes itself from the heavy misogynistic vibe of most horror movies, in which beauty and promiscuity are punished, and there's a profane subtext of men wreaking vengeance on the women who've rejected and humiliated them over the years.

The best known horror franchises of the last thirty years are the Halloween movies, the Friday the 13th movies, the A Nightmare On Elm Street movies, and the Scream movies. In the movies in the first three series, the killers (more or less) are the same from movie to movie.

But in not one of those series is the killer targeting women who rejected or humiliated them over the years. Micheal Myers kills because he is a psycho. Jason kills because he was left to drown as a child. Freddy kills because he is "the bastard son of a hundred maniacs" and he kills children anyway, for the most part were born after he died (so does Jason). And I don't have enough space to get into the motives for killing in the Scream movies.

And another things about these supposedly misogynistic movies: They all have female protagonists. There's a lot more "girl power" in horror movies than in the average Hollywood summer action movie (and this certainly carries over to The Descent).

But if we go even further back into horror's past, and look at the most famous 1970's movies, we still can't find a movie that meets Hunter's description.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? No.

Last House On The Left? No.

It's Alive? No. None of the plots of those three movies have anything remotely to do with the point Stephen would like you to believe.

So what the hell horror movies is Stephen talking about? Really, I have no idea. I am resisting the urge to break into The Big Encyclopedia Of Horror Movies to find one with a plot (or even a discernable subtext) where the killer's motivation is to kill women that rejected and humiliated him over the years.

But boy, doesn't Stephen sound all modern and sensitive and PC when he writes this? Instead or researching his subject or even citing one movie that meets his description, he just drops in his proclimation and expects people just to accept his statement because it's a common misconception of horror movies.

Critics are supposed to do a little digging below the surface, just not parrot what is commonly believed at the time.

MTV Turns 25

You could make a case that the launch and rise MTV was the biggest pop culture event of the 1980's. It ushered in and help spread TV as a medium to sell music, brought a new look and faster-paced editing style to TV, and served as a great generation divide between those of you raised in the 70's and those of us raised in the 80's.

But after selling music for years (far past the point where videos were novel ideas), it moved forward to stake out the role of vanguard of the youth culture. That may sound a little far-fetched, but can you think of another TV station that devotes so much of it's time and energy to trying to trying to be the arbiter of cool?

But I would like to mention a few of their ideas that really stood out to me.

Stevie Washingon The Angry Youth. Somewhere between a promo and a continuing animated adventure, these had a great look and overall style. I just found out someone put some of these episodes on youtube.

My Super Sweet Sixteen. Years from now when people want to see to what extent parents would bend over to "befriend" their children instead of raising them, this will be the show they watch. I can't believe this show flies so under the radar. Don't these people know what assholes they look like when they appear on this show? Or do they just not care, and are somehow proud that they spend $200,000 on a birthday party where their kid will act like ingateful tyrant who gets off by excluding people from her party?

Beavis and Butthead. Although MTV ruined this show by changing it from a show where Beavis and Butthead made fun of others to a show where Beavis and Butthead were the butt of the jokes, the show still merits mention. They need to sell a DVD with the episodes AND the videos in their original place. And restore all the jokes they cut out to make this show palatable to the scolds of the world.

True Life. A documentary that doesn't need to teach "lessons", and constantly picks interesting contemporary topics that other shows ignore. Unlike 48 Hours, Cold Case Files, or any other documentary show that does nothing more investigative than rehash police reports.

Wonder Showzen. Although shown more on MTV2, this is an extreme rarity; a TV show that could truly be called subversive. Hilarious and offensive, it is not for everyone, especially those that like the familiarity of most shows and don't like a show that they can't figure out within 5 seconds of turning it on (stay away Everybody Loves Raymond fans). Watch a whole show, it is not possible to get a real sense of the show by watching a two-minute clip. And keep an eye out for the twins, for reasons I don't fully understand, they make me laugh every time.

Why Will Ferrell Isn't Funny

Today on the pudfest that is ESPN's Mike and Mike, they felt the need to take time away from talking about sports to talk about the new Will Ferrell movie. You know, the one that doesn't have anything to do with what's going on in the real sports world. Greenberg, who would pass out from excitement at a supermarket opening, gushed that Ferrell is "great" as he and Golic went onto list all the "funny" movies Ferrell made.

(By the way, has anyone noticed that left-handed insult directed at his wife that is part of his book's title? It's called in part Why My Wife Thinks I'm An Idiot. If your wife thinks you're an idiot, and she married you, doesn't that make her stupider that you? Why would she marry someone who she thought was an idiot? Not a very intelligent decision.)

Why does the public constantly have to be told how "funny" Will Ferrell is? If he was really funny,wouldn't the public figure that out for itself? Instead, the PR people plant this story everywhere they can, and stains like Greenberg stick to the script in front of them.

So as a public service I am going to tell you why Will Ferrell isn't funny.

No matter the situation, no matter the character, Will has one trick that he uses over and over to be "funny". He delivers his lines in an earnest manner, AND HE TALKS REALLY LOUD!

In the commercial for Talladega Nights, he runs around in his underwear screaming because he thinks he is on fire, even though it would be obvious to anyone (especially himself) that he's not on fire. And he also thinks he is paralyzed, so he screams his lines and plunges a knife into his leg (and screams again).

He talked loudly and earnestly in Old School. He talked loudly and earnestly in Anchorman. He was screaming (and presumably kicking) in Kicking and Screaming.

Boy, I can't wait to see what mischief he gets into next summer. It will be so different from the movies he released this year.

Who's To Blame For Gibson's DUI? The Jews, Of Course

So not only was old Mel driving drunk, he managed to get off some anti-Semetic comments (and say a few other crude things) during and after his arrest. Click the link.

Now Mel is trying to distance himself from his comments. What an asshole. He is more concerned about his image than any trouble he caused anyone. I love the last line in his apology ("I...have already taken the necessary steps to ensure my return to health.") Like after reading all this, the thing I most concerned about is Mel's health.

It's not like he was completely wasted when he did this. I would find it inexcusibe no matter what, but these comments sound more like someone that was blowing a .3 and a completely out of control babbling idiot than someone blowing a .12.

You know Mel has had a pretty sweet life. Major motion picture star, made millions of dollars. What is he so angry about?